


We Take and We Give

by AlacrityAbound



Series: I Am Kuroko Tetsuya [2]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Kagami is a good friend, Kuroko Tetsuya Is Not Okay, Kuroko Tetsuya-centric, Mental Health Issues, Minor Kagami Taiga/Kuroko Tetsuya, Nightmares, feel free to interpret either way, he has anxiety, idk why that isn't a tag, it's basically how they act in canon, kuroko has 0 self-worth and that needs to be fixed, look at him, teiko messed up a perfectly good kuroko is what they did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlacrityAbound/pseuds/AlacrityAbound
Summary: It was only a matter of time until his luck ran out. For training camps, Kuroko could pop a Benadryl and knock himself into a temporary dreamless coma. But surprise slumber parties? It already happened twice with Seirin, but they say the third time’s the charm.
Relationships: Kagami Taiga & Kuroko Tetsuya, Kuroko Tetsuya & Seirin High Basketball Team Members
Series: I Am Kuroko Tetsuya [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781164
Comments: 5
Kudos: 132





	We Take and We Give

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroko Tetsuya has nightmares about disappearing from the world, try to convince me otherwise. Also, I’m digging deep into those high school memories. My school has a sister school in Hokkaido and students tended to come in late September/early October and they hekkin loved doing Halloween shenanigans. And Burger King. Because American portions are ridiculous.

He was smiling more, that was a recent development. Though he still kept his emotions reigned in and under lock and key, that didn’t mean Kuroko didn’t  _ feel _ anything. In fact, he probably felt the most out of the Generation of Miracles. It wasn’t for lack of compassion from any of the boys, Kuroko was just different. Being a bit more mature and having plenty of time alone with himself, he understood his emotions and why certain events made him feel certain ways.

Unlike most people, he just preferred not to show it too much.

An outsider would say Akashi made the habit worse. Kuroko would say that Akashi helped him refine and understand himself a bit more. After all, Kuroko was never one to make a scene or overtly express himself in any way. He confided in those he trusted and that was enough.

And then the second year of Teiko happened.

Though he still considered the Generation of Miracles friends, and very close ones at that, something was lost in that rift. Aomine was no longer the first person Kuroko would call if he really needed help beyond basketball. Ogiwara wasn’t the first to share his excitement. Akashi wasn’t the one he’d turn to for advice.

Kuroko had already been a very independent child. It didn’t take much to push his emotional independence into overdrive. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew he wasn’t a good basketball player. But life? He was pretty good at navigating that. By himself. Alone. Picking himself back up and finding new goals to achieve.

That included repressing every single irrational fear he held.

Logically, he knew he wasn’t going to just disappear into thin air or become a ghost without being hit by a car (again). He was tangible matter and matter isn’t simply destroyed. He, on a purely scientific level, existed. Logically, he knew that.

His brain, on the other hand, insisted on driving him completely up the wall. Kuroko did not lack creativity. From all the light novels he read, he was pretty good at storytelling. It just wasn’t his passion, like basketball was. Basketball kept him grounded to reality in a way, keeping him focused enough not to go on wild daydreams or ponder too much about the very small, insignificant place he had in the universe.

But asleep, his overactive imagination could reign. He’d always had recurring nightmares, usually focused around his family completely forgetting he existed (when, in fact, they were the only people who never lost track of him, no matter how many distractions floated around. He knew better than to try misdirection on his grandmother again). He dreamt about withering away to nothing as his family laughed and chatted and  _ wondered when Tetsuya was actually coming home. _

After Teiko, they became worse. Then it was the car crashes, with nobody coming to help because nobody realized someone had been hit. It was his team, turning their backs on him and slowly forgetting he even existed until there was no rumor of a Phantom Sixth Man. Thanks to Akashi, sometimes, he’d watch the Generation of Miracles hanging out with Mayuzumi Chihiro instead. Those annoyed him the most because really, Mayuzumi?  _ Really? _

(He chastises himself in the most friendly way possible. Through a strange series of events that ended in commiserating about their mutual lack of presence, Kuroko became friends with Mayuzumi. Kuroko wasn’t one to hold someone accountable for another person’s actions and Mayuzumi couldn’t be bothered to hold a grudge. They wound up in an unofficial book club with Imayoshi.)

The only solace Kuroko had was the fact that nobody would ever know. His dreams were a product of his mind. If nobody asked, then he didn’t need to tell them needlessly.

There were ways around the nightmares on the rare occasions he had an overnight stay. During the training camps, he just popped a Benadryl towards the end of the night. Coupled with the daily physical exertion, he slept like the dead. In fact, Kagami  _ thought _ he’d died in his sleep at one point.  _ Bakagami,  _ he thought,  _ check my pulse. _

He knew he’d been lucky during the unplanned sleepovers. Riko’s slow-acting poison managed to put him in the bad kind of food coma, so he’d been left drifting through his subconscious for eight hours, constantly wondering why he was freezing. The second time, he’d been so exhausted from practice and the team’s party that he passed out halfway through a game of Never Have I Ever, mercifully sparing him from participating in Marry, Fuck, or Kill.

( _ Hanazawa Kana-san, Takao-kun, and the CEO of Lululemon) _

But as they say, the third time’s the charm.

Kuroko tried to slip out of Kagami’s apartment, but the ace was having none of that. He kept fretting over Kuroko getting shanked in some back alley ( _ This isn’t America, Kagami-kun _ ) or getting kidnapped ( _ Akashi-kun is hours away in Kyoto _ ) or getting mugged ( _ I have ten yen to my name… _ ). At least Hyuuga backed him up, claiming that Kuroko would have to be seen by someone in order for any of the following to happen. Maybe that’s what did him in.

In the end, it was easier to give in than to continue arguing with Kagami. They were both beyond stubborn when it came to things they cared deeply about. Besides, the nightmares hadn’t come as frequently after his birthday. Spending time with everyone, including a larger group of basketball buddies, helped ease some of Kuroko’s fears. Even when Akashi lost sight of him, Seirin knew exactly where he was. It felt like old times, when the Teiko group was close and happy and addicted to convenience store popsicles.

Of course, that’s when it happened.

The night started off well enough, the Seirin team taking some time to relax and have fun as friends rather than teammates. Topics ranged from basketball to Hyuuga’s collection of historical generals to the latest light novel Furihata read to Kagami’s stories from America. The last one ended in a promise to do a Halloween night since most of them couldn’t wrap their minds around the concept of a haunted hayride. It just sounded  _ too _ weird.

“Haunted houses make sense,” Koganei pitched in. “You walk through it and people scare you. But sitting in place? That’s not scary.”

“It’s scary  _ because _ you’re stuck in place!” Kagami shouted, slamming his hands down on the table so aggressively that Nigou jumped from his very comfy spot next to Riko. “You can’t run, so you’re stuck with the ghosts!”

“A _ghost_ caught you _aghast!”_

“Shut up, Izuki.”

As always, Kuroko kept to himself, listening and enjoying the team’s antics. He could’ve basked in their presence for hours more, but a call from Riko’s father interrupted the flow of the party.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so late,” she apologized. After being reassured that Hyuuga and Izuki would accompany her home, Koganei and Mitobe took their leave as well. That left the five first years, all of whom lived in different parts of the city.

Kagami, ever the untitled mother hen of the group, insisted they all stay the night. Fukuda, Kawahara, and Furihata didn’t need much convincing. In fact, they all agreed that it’d be a nice first year team bonding experience. Despite Seirin being a newer, smaller school, not all of the first year players were actually in the same class.

“Thank you for the offer, but I’d hate to impose.” Decidedly, Kuroko would have a much better argument to stand on if the others hadn’t accepted Kagami’s impromptu invitation. What were the chances that Kagami had severe pollen allergies, which would force him to keep Benadryl on hand?

“C’mon, Kuroko. It’ll be fun!” Furihata added with a smile. “I don’t get to hang out with you all outside of practice. Did you know Fukuda’s an amazing Dungeon Master?” From Fukuda’s frantic flailing, Kuroko deduced that Fukuda never really wanted that information known. Still, Kuroko made a mental note to complete his halfling rogue character sometime.

“Idiot,” Kagami remarked, plunking a hand down on Kuroko’s head. “Invisible or not, it’s almost midnight. Just give your parents a call and stay the night. The fuzzy nuisance can stay too.”

“But Kagami-kun--”

“If you haven’t figured it out already, you don’t have a choice.”

_ Check. _   


“I could always slip out without anyone noticing.”

_ Safe. Next turn. _

“That would be even more rude and bothersome than staying!”

_ Check. _

“Then Kagami-kun should allow me to take my leave.”

_ Safe. _

“Knowing you’d rather risk getting hit by a car than staying the night at my place hurts my feelings.”

_ Checkmate. _

Curse Kagami and his Kagami brain. When did he get to play Kuroko so well?  _ Who told him about the car? Was it Aomine? _

Thoroughly beat at his own game, Kuroko resigned himself to fate and wound up in one of Kagami’s old, oversized t-shirts and under a blanket next to Kagami’s couch. After a few more hours of breaking the tension from the Kagami-Kuroko quarrel, everyone finally decided it was time to sleep.

Nobody really wanted to stay alone in the guest room, so Furihata, Fukuda, and Kawahara decided to take the living area and deal with the back aches in the morning. Not wanting to be left out, Kagami brought both bedroom mattresses out with as many pillows and blankets as he could find. Though the guest room would’ve been nice, Kuroko was just too exhausted to put up much of a fuss, especially with Nigou asleep on his chest. 

Slumber parties. He hadn’t been to one in a while, not since before the middle school nationals. Being surrounded by friends who shared a similar passion was nice, nice enough to make Kuroko believe that his frequent night terrors couldn’t find him.

_ It started as it usually did. It was somewhere familiar. The train. Seirin High School. The locker room. The gym, just as basketball practice began. _

_ He was late, for whatever reason, still smoothing out his t-shirt and reaching for one of the practice jerseys. He shrugged on the 15 marker and stepped onto the court. Nobody noticed, as usual. But everyone moved faster. He couldn’t run fast enough, could barely lift his feet, like he was sinking into the floor, watching as his teammates grew more distant. _

_ “Give in,” something deep inside of him rumbled. “Give in to the shadows.” _

_ He tried shouting, but nothing came out. He reached out, crawled, yet it made no difference to the figures getting farther and farther away. _

_ “I can’t catch it.” Kiyoshi, after an Ignite Pass, something he’d been able to catch before. _

_ “Where’d that come from? Who’s there?” _

_ “I don’t remember how to catch your passes.” _

_ “Who are you?” _

_ “Give in to the shadows.” _

_ “You are no longer needed.” _

_ “Give in.” _

_ “You are a prototype.” _

_ “Give. In.” _

_ “You are replaceable.” _

_ Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it-- _

_ THUNK. _

_ “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.” Kagami-kun, helping him to his feet. Yes, this felt familiar. They were outside the classroom, ready for the school day to begin. _

_ “It’s fine, Kagami-kun.” Kuroko brushed off the incident with a shrug. “Sorry, I was too close.” _

_ There was a blank look in Kagami’s eyes. In all of the Seirin basketball team’s eyes. Uncomprehending of what was in front of them. Alarmed. Confused. Frightened. _

_ “Ah, sorry, do I know you?” _

_ No. Please. Not this. Let it be a joke, some cruel joke that he could laugh off later because at least they  _ **_remembered_ ** _ him enough to consider joking around. At least they remembered. _

_ Give in. _

_ “Kagami-kun?” _

_ “Who are you?” _

_ And as it always did, the shadows overwhelmed their former master. Drowning. He’s drowning. He can’t breathe and nobody is coming to save him. _

_ Give in to the shadows. At least people remember their own shadows. _

_ Who will remember the invisible, forgettable, replaceable Kuroko Tetsuya? _

“Oi, Kuroko!  **Wake up!”**

His eyes snapped open, breath rapidly forcing its way from his mouth. The first thing he saw was Kagami, concerned and worried and  _ definitely focused on Kuroko. _

“Kagami-kun…” It’s all he managed to get out before launching himself at his teammate, his best friend in the entire world, the only one who’d seen him as Kuroko Tetsuya.

So he let Kagami see everything.

The carefully crafted mask came down, as it did when he was alone, and he buried his face in Kagami’s chest and cried. Silent sobs wracked his body. If he were in a better mood, he’d try to get a look at Kagami’s face, memorize the expression and tease him about it later. But right now, Kagami was an anchor, a reminder that he was real and others thought he was real and he wasn’t just a shadow of the night.

After a few seconds, Kuroko felt a hand on his back, rubbing circles up and down his spine. A warm lump settled in his lap with a whimper, Nigou. Good dog, providing comfort in the only way his dog brain knew how.

It only took a few minutes for Kuroko to gather himself again. With a deep breath, the walls came back up and he pulled away.

“I’m sorry for waking you, Kagami-kun,” he mumbled, looking around the rest of the room. Thankfully, the others were still asleep.

“Not your fault,” Kagami yawned, “The mutt woke me up.”

“Oh.”

Kuroko stared at the blankets, nightmare all but forgotten in the wake of consciousness.  _ Weak, like always. _

“Are you ok?” Kagami finally asked. “You...looked scared. Do you, um, want to talk about it?”

“I’m fine. I don’t want to burden you with my problems.” Looking Kagami in the eyes, he added, “I told you I would be bothersome.”

“Idiot!” Kagami whispered loudly, smacking the back of Kuroko’s head. “You don’t have to deal with everything alone! We’re partners and that means we share the burden, on or off the court!”

“You’re taking the definition of ‘partner’ very liberally.”

“We’re friends, Kuroko. That means we take  _ and _ we give. It doesn’t mean we’re perfect or we don’t have bad days. It means we share everything, good and bad. So get that through your thick, phantom-shadow head! We take and we give and right now, it looks like you really need some taking.”

Kuroko blinked...and smiled. “You are very embarrassing, Kagami-kun. And blunt.”

“Oi!”

“But I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you, Kagami-kun, for seeing me. I’m lucky to have you as my partner.”

“Now who’s embarrassing?” Even in the dark, Kuroko could see Kagami’s blush. Kuroko doubted he fared much better, but at least Kagami didn’t have the same observational skills (if any).

Kuroko let out a yawn and that seemed to end the conversation. “It’s late. Or early. Goodnight, Kagami-kun.” Subject effectively dropped, Kuroko burrowed back into the blanket nest, Nigou curled up by his side.

“G’night, Kuroko.” Just as Kuroko began to drift off, he could’ve sworn he heard Kagami say, “If you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen. You always listen to me. Give and take.”

_ Give in to the shadows. _

_ But take the light that’s offered. _

After that night, the nightmares came less frequently.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, I rushed a bit out of excitement. Hope you enjoyed! Hold onto your basketballs, y'all are getting some interconnected oneshots.


End file.
